I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
