who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
