Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
