i was born a porn star she said
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
