yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
