my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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