dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize