I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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