two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
