Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
