i don't plan on having that self control this summer
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
