his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
