I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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