apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
