mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
