Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We left an ass print on the piano.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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