is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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