He uses pillows to masturbate.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
