Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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