rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
