So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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