Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
