Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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