I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
