I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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