there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
