People in love make me want to vomit
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
