I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
