I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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