am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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