I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
