Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
