Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
