Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize