just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
