We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
