Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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