Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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