So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
