I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
