I can't breathe out the right side of my face
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
