fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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