some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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