My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
