Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
