I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
