And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
