don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You're a disaster
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