I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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