Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
