so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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