woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize