Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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