Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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