Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
