I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
