i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
