I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
