I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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