I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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