Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
