girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
