Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
