She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
