I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize