Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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