Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
