Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize