i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize