i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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