I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
