Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
