I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
