Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
