im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
