So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
