So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
