I like to think it a success when the cops are called
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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